I’ve enjoyed a long life, and I continue to enjoy it now, in my seventy-eighth year. My main interest throughout my life has been romance. Of course I’ve worked, sometimes worked hard. Eventually I found my specific niche and was able to earn a good living while enjoying the work very much. In spite of enjoying career success, my main interest was in romancing and seducing women and making them happy.
I enjoyed considerable success in my quest. Most importantly, I left my lovers happier and more confident, and that made me happy. However, these days, now that I’m old, moments from the distant past come clawing back into my forebrain, and many of them are embarrassing, now that I have this new perspective on my past life. There were embarrassing moments from time to time in the regular flow of daily life. The embarrassing moments that make me most uncomfortable have to do with missed opportunities for romance and love making.
One was sort of deliberate. I was attracted to a slightly older woman in the same offices where I worked. I was pleased to have her invite me to her apartment from time to time, and each time I tried to get her to signal me that she would be willing to be seduced. Finally, I decided that she just didn’t want me. In the same way I had always left her place, I went to the door. Suddenly, she put her arms around me from behind and pressed her breasts to my back. I didn’t turn back to her. It was strange, but I had decided that it was not going to happen, so I was leaving for the last time. Somehow, because it had been so late coming, the moment had passed and I continued out the door. I regret now that I did not turn and take her in my arms, but in truth, the moment had passed, no matter how much I wanted the moment to happen for her and me together.
Another time, I pulled into a parking lot by a building where I was to attend a screening. I stepped out of the car and a truly adorable young woman in a loose-fitting sun dress with a deep neckline approached me. She began by asking me if she could find a monthly parking place. I had no idea why she’d ask me. She pointed to an adjacent high rise apartment building and explained that she’d just moved in there and didn’t know anyone at all. I told her she’d have to ask elsewhere for parking and I hurried into my screening. About five minutes into the video, sitting in the darkened screening room, it suddenly dawned on me that the adorable girl was striking up a conversation that appeared to be an invitation to a friendship. It was a real head-slapper.
I was new in a city to which I’d just moved, and a co-worker fixed me up with a girl that I quite enjoyed. She was a cosmetician, quite pretty, tall and slender. I don’t remember what we’d done on the date, but afterwards in my apartment we talked until the wee small hours. We were just enjoying a simple date. When it was time for her to leave, I walked her to the door. I guess we kissed goodnight, I don’t remember. She left, and within a few minutes returned to say that she couldn’t get her car in gear. I went down to the car with her, got into it, started up and put it into first gear, reverse gear, everything worked. I got out of the car with a shrug and she left. I went back to up to my apartment.
Now, several decades later, I realize I should have asked her to stay ‘til morning. That’s why she came back up. She didn’t want to leave. Now I see it. So it was another romance missed.
There are other missed romances that I remember with discomfort from time to time. The thing that haunts me most about it is: what must those lovely women think of me? What kind of a sexless idiot do I appear to be? It’s so embarrassing, I wish I could travel back through time to those moments, and make them moments of romance. I can hope, now that I’m so old, that all of my ladies of missed potential forgot me and my foolishness quickly. It was so long ago, certainly many of them are dead now… and the ghosts of romances missed still haunt my memory.